Most times the things that cause major problems in marriages are the minor things that were neglected right from the beginning just like the things that are overlooked are things that end up becoming problems leading to sleepless nights.
Marriage is an agreement between two entirely different people and it is expected that there would be differences because no two people are the same. But it is important to ensure the differences are things you can tolerate. Before entering a lifetime agreement with your spouse, make sure you have the following conversations and reach a common ground.
- Having and Raising Kids
If it hasn’t already come up, now’s the time to discuss whether you want children. It is very important to discuss where you each stand on the issues that will come up once you start trying to have kids and when the tykes are actually around. “Are you open to adoption if it’s necessary? Issues like these can become serious disputes later on, so it’s critical to discuss them now.
- Money and Your Careers
One of the biggest things married couples fight about, and one of the most common sources of stress and tension, is finances. Decide whether you’ll pool all your money or keep separate accounts, and determine which accounts you’ll draw from for everyday expenses and for big investments. If one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, choose amounts to set aside for the future and for personal spending that you’ll both be satisfied with. You just have to live within your budget, figure out what works for you, be reasonable and communicate.” On the same note, talk about your career plans. Where do you want to be in five years? How do you see your career—and your salary—evolving over your lifetime? Getting both your expectations in line with reality will minimize money-related arguments and miscommunication later in your marriage.
- Religion and Values
This might not seem like a big deal now, but religion and morals play a bigger role in marriage than some couples expect. “For a lot of people, fights happen when the other person turns out to be more religious than they thought,” “You might go into marriage not caring, but the problems start as the children arrive and you’re deciding how to raise them,” . Talk about your faith, and how you see it affecting your shared life, right now.
- How you’ll Handle Fights
Arguments are inevitable, but it’s how couples handle them that determines whether they’ll get through them, make sure you understand each other’s way of managing conflict. Whatever your argument style is, hash out what counts as acceptable fight behavior and what’s off-limits. Tweak how you handle arguments to accommodate each other. If one of you doesn’t like to talk about it at 2 a.m., learn to pull back a little.
- Thing you know pisses you off
If there’s anything else you know will drive you nuts in a marriage, it’s better to chat about it sooner rather than later, Let your partner know that you won’t be able to tolerate it if he’s always flirtatious with other women or if she spends too much money. On the other hand, you should also be up front about the big life goals you’re dying to accomplish. If you are aiming to live in another country or own your own business someday, make sure your partner knows about that dream and is open to it.
If you have talked about the above mentioned properly, and you are cool with your conclusions, then you are good to go, but you should always bear in mind that no one is perfect and there are bound to be mistakes. Just make sure you can tolerate, tolerance is an essential instrument in marriage.
