This is a series that will feature women who share moments in their lives – fears, love, thoughts and more. In today’s Yarn Central with Newsbreak.ng, Amanda, writes how her love life started and how it’s affected her mindset towards relationships.
Amanda|25
“I’m starting to think that everyone is having a swell time in their lives and it’s either something is happening for them or it’s happening to them. I probably started having feelings for the opposite sex when I was in primary 2. His name was Emmanuel and he wasn’t all that attractive but he was smart. He was the smartest in our class. We sat together in class and we didn’t live too far from each other. I think he liked me too because I don’t know how these things work with kids then but I know he liked talking to me😄. I didn’t act upon the feelings because what exactly was a 6 years old supposed to do? Well, it didn’t take long before he left our primary school and the whole feelings thingy was paused.
“I got to secondary school and I crushed on a guy I sat with for the first time, I was 10. I don’t think I had any reasons to have crushed on him apart from the fact that he had helped me adjust into my new school. It didn’t take time, I started crushing on the head boy too. He wore glasses and he was the smartest person in his class as well (that was the criteria for prefects then) and he’d always see me and say “Amanda how are you?” And my 10 year old self would blush and run back to my class.
This was basically all I did while my mates were actually having boyfriends and some had started kissing too. When I got to JSS3, I found out that some of my classmates had phones but there was no pressure at all because I just didn’t see the need for a phone. That was when 2go became a thing.
My dad finally got me a torchlight phone and it was exciting because I could finally start listening to some music from the radio. I got to SSS1 and saw my period and I think the hormones started raging because my feelings for boys intensified and I had just turned 14. I joined Fb and 2go still without a phone but used my mother’s and friend’s phone a few times. It was in SS3 that I finally told a boy that I liked him. We basically texted each other till we said “I love you” to each other and by then, I had gotten a phone. I never kissed him, I never even dreamed of kissing him and that’s one thing that I’m thinking about now. How come I never had any longing to kiss him or anyone? I was very much detached from my environment and probably too innocent. For God’s sake, people were kissing and having sex and I was just there, very oblivious to the fact that I was supposed to even be wishful about kissing him. My love life was just very slow… I didn’t date till I got to the uni and that was where I had my first kiss with this guy a year ahead of me in my department. Apart from the fact that first kisses aren’t always good, this kiss was terrible but we continued and that’s how I realized I loved kissing.
“The relationship thrived on rocky grounds because then again, I didn’t realize that people were having sex in their relationships until my boyfriend of then told me he couldn’t wait any longer. Just at that moment, I was a little muddled because what exactly did I know about sex apart from blowjobs which I found very irritating then (I thought it disgusting to put a guy’s penis in my mouth and stuff) and the penetrative sex which I was equally scared of because of how our health science teacher in secondary school described it as very painful. She even went as far as telling I and my friend then that it was very painful for her the day she had sex for the first time with her husband. Well, I finally did it because I became curious and I didn’t want to be that girlfriend that wasn’t open to anything apart from cuddling and kissing. It wasn’t as good as I thought because it was just rushed through and I bled badly and he was just there looking at me like he had just convinced Jesus to stall a little before coming back to the take his people.
We broke up after a while. It was a little hard for me to date other people because I just didn’t feel the need to. I met someone else, we dated and it was good but I started spotting our differences and how we weren’t able to really have long moments of happiness as much as we fought so we broke up. This slowness in my love life has affected me so much that I’m thinking it’s affecting how I view relationships. I’m 25. I’ve liked a couple of other guys but had nothing serious with them. I think about marriage a lot but I feel I may not be able to experience that rush my peers seem to be experiencing.
“Well, I turn 26 in two months from now, I have decided to try again with this one person and if it works, great. If it doesn’t, I’m afraid I’m stuck in this slowness and I might just have to accept it because I don’t know what to do.”
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