Please I need your help. My name is Benedicta and I hail from somewhere in the South-east.
I am blessed with three children and five grandchildren. My first two are boys and they are happily married.
However, my only daughter, who is 28 years old, said she does not desire to get married.
I have spoken to her about it many times, all she keeps saying is that she doesn’t want children, so she doesn’t desire to be married.
Honestly, I’m confused. I do not know whether it is a spiritual problem, or a manifestation of an influence somewhere.
What can I do, please?
One statement that is always being peddled by contemporary individualists in this age is that children from 18 and above are adults and should be allowed to make their choices. Your daughter falls into this age category and as such, is trying to make her stamp on the future of her marital status.
However, I picked out a line I consider poignant in your message. You say your daughter does not desire marriage. You need to clarify from her whether she does not want to get married because of childbirth complications or that she resents marriage completely. Certainly this is not a spiritual matter, rather that of opinion and influence.
If it’s the former, which I also envisage is her reason, then you need to calm her down and tell her it is a process that all child-bearing women go through. Explain to her the difficulties you experienced while carrying her for nine months and you were able to successfully deliver her. Impress on her that she will always get all-round support when pregnant.
If it’s the latter, then you need to sit down with her properly to find out why she is against marriage. Whatever reasons she may have, you need to let her know that there is nothing as important as being part of a family, especially a lady. Appeal to your daughter’s emotions by showing her pictures of the entire family and ask her if she does not love such a sight. Let hlher know that she will need to build her own family as there will be a time when her brothers will now place emphasis on their new immediate family, and not their siblings.
You could also take her to a professional counsellor to soothe her and provide her with more detailed explanations, if the need arises. But I am certain that either of the first two approaches suggested can change your daughter’s mind and resolve the situation.
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