Hello Love and Life, I am in love with a great guy who means everything to me. But the problem with our relationship is that his mother insists on doing everything for him and being with us as much as possible.
He is 25 but you would think he was five the way she fusses over him. We have been together for two years and the situation is no better than when we first met.
If we are going somewhere she will make an excuse to tag along.
She expects me to do everything for him too and criticises if I don’t spend my time keeping him happy.
I am only 22 and I don’t want to be his mum. I have tried talking to him but he has no idea what I am talking about.
Hello Anonymous Writer,
Well, I can understand your frustrations concerning your boyfriend’s mother persistent presence. But while you may consider her actions as nagging, you cannot blame her son for not ditching or warding her off; after all, she’s his mother.
And importantly, you both are not yet married. Yes, while I may understand the need for both of you to have some space in order to developing some understanding and gain independence, you should also recognise that you both are still relatively young adults who can commit errors, of which, I believe, your boyfriend’s mum is trying to avoid; albeit in an anxious way.
I do not understand when you say “you have tried talking to him but he has no idea about what you are talking about.” It’s simply impossible. The problem here could either be your explanations were not clear enough or he is simply shutting that topic of discussion stylishly.
If it’s the former, then I will advise that you illustrate to him using detailed examples of periods when such incident has occurred. May be that may propel him to ask his mum to give him some space and respect his privacy. But if it is the latter, then it implies that he cannot probably not be independent or bold enough to challenge his mother, which is a bad omen for him.
So, I advise that you remain patient and speak to him on the issue again, this time in a concise manner. If it is the latter scenario reoccurs, then you might have to bid that relationship goodbye; else you and your boyfriend’s mum will continue to clash. But if it is the former, then be patient with him for the sake of the true love which you claim you have for him. Sooner or later, his mum would understand the need for her to withdraw a bit and allow your boyfriend to be an independent person.
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