In this episode of My Story on Yarn Central, Idara, 28 shares her story on how she discovered her boyfriend was a pedophile. This is the second part of the story. The first part will be linked below.
Idara | 28
At 19 and in the Uni, we met one of the nights I was on my way home from my friend’s. It was a surprising event because I hadn’t seen him in a long while and I literally forgot about him. He looked different – older. We exchanged contacts and started talking very often and that was how I discovered his age. He was 41 years old and still unmarried. It didn’t take much time before he expressed his interest in me. I never really had a conscious problem with dating older people but I felt the age difference was quite a lot and it felt really weird because he was someone I knew when I was a kid. I asked him why he wasn’t married yet and why he wanted me and he said something that stood out for me. His answer was “the younger the person is, the more desirable.” I took that as a compliment because what did I know?
I had never had a boyfriend and if I had a thing with anyone, it was short lived so this made him my first “serious” boyfriend. I felt mature because my friends were all dating people within our age bracket but I was dating an older matured person. I finally agreed to date him while keeping it from my family. When we had discussions about the past, he’d tell me he had always had eyes for me since I was little. Pedophilia isn’t something that would randomly come to your mind when you hear these things but something inside me knew that something was off. I tried bringing up why he left our church then and he was very evasive about the topic.
I found the kind of friends he had distasteful. One time I overheard him talk to his friend over the phone. I think they were talking about women and beauty and he said “the age of a girl shouldn’t deter a man from being attracted to her. Nubility is subjective.” It was then that I started placing the puzzled piece together. We had sex often but it was like he had to watch porn first before we did it. He never let me see any of his porn collections which I found weird but I didn’t think it mattered.
One of the nights I was over at his place, he went out to get us some food and given that he wasn’t really a quick paced person, I knew he’d take his time. I decided to go through his things and that was when I found a flash drive in one of his work bags. I found his laptop which had a Cupid wallpaper and I just disregarded that and I went through the content of the flash drive. I saw a file holder titled “kids and fun” which I opened and found a bunch of child pornography. The shock that went through me was intense that I couldn’t bring myself to watch any of the videos. I packed up everything and was confused on what to do.
He came back and I confronted him and he denied it and said it was his friend’s flash drive and when I started crying, he admitted that it was his but it was just something he had gotten into but we knew it was a lie. He said he was gonna get help and just a bunch of promising lies. First of all, it was stupid of me to have confronted him because it led to him wiping the videos from him flash drive so if I wanted to report him to the police, I wouldn’t have any evidence against him.
I left that night and made the decision to tell my family about the whole thing, they were bitter with me and that was when my parents disclosed what happened in the past. He had gotten the new girl I mentioned earlier to take off her panties while he touched her at the back of the church. It was a member that was taking out the trash that saw them and reported the case to the pastor. According to my parents, they prayed for him and counseled him but demanded he left the church or he’d get reported. I made the decision to report him to the police and by the time we took the case to the police, it was too late because the police said I should’ve reported him earlier and now we have no evidence against him because he had destroyed the files.
I went back to his place a few weeks later just to find out he had moved. I’m 28 years old now and I deeply regret confronting him because he could be out there hurting children… The idea of relationships with an unusual massive age gap existing between both persons makes my skin crawl because I start to wonder if the older person is a pedophile. I fear that people younger than me are very likely to fall prey to these predators and there’s not much we can do about it because of course, “love is love”.
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