It’s finally Pride Month 2022. We have heard and read stories from the Nigerian queer community over time and this made us ask questions which were answered by a few queer persons living in Nigeria. This is for the purpose of providing an objective perspective to the community. Pseudonyms were used to ensure anonymity.
“My mom has a female partner and in a way, I’ve always had a lot in common with my mother. I think my dad knew she was bisexual but they never talked about it with me. I saw how well she communicated with the other lady and it seemed even better than she did with my dad. I eventually met this girl one time at school and we started talking, she was also discovering her sexuality at the time and I noticed I was starting to like her in a “more than friends” manner and when we found out the feelings were mutual, we got together. We are both still figuring things out. My mom is very supportive too, literally being gay is one of the big things I share with my mom:)” – Tammy.
“It all made sense when I didn’t want to watch heterosexual porn anymore. I preferred seeing people of the same sex have sex in porn videos. That’s how I knew I liked girls. It got even better when I had sex with a girl for the first time.” – Rita
“I sort of had attraction for guys. I didn’t act on this until I was 18. I made friends with a couple of queer folks and that was when I realised and came to the understanding of my sexuality. Prior to that time, I had only dated girls, but it felt totally different with guys, like I am my authentic self.” – Divine.
“I was always attracted to males even though I am male. Just like how it’s normal for a guy to like a girl, I have always liked guys growing up. I find myself leaning towards other men.” – Franklin.
“Well at first I didn’t know what it was but I realised I always liked that Johnny bravo cartoon. Then spiderman (Toby Maguire) it wasn’t until I was with a guy that I fully understood what was going on. He was gentle, then I kept experimenting. I did boys and girls then I realised I liked guys the most. So I’ve been with guys ever since.” – Dave
“I found out I was queer by being on Twitter. I randomly saw tweets about people confessing they were queer and some of their experiences fit mine. I had always brushed off my attraction to girls as just me admiring their outfits or something. After I was able to move past that, it was really easy to accept I was queer. The most important thing has been the community. I already knew some people on queer ‘Nigerian Twitter’ so that helped me find others that were like me that I could relate with but they were just online. I got to know more queer people offline and in my school and it’s been great since then. Downsides are dealing with bigoted Nigerians and the fear of being outed.” – Andrea
“With the help Of movies.” – Pamela
“I came out to my mom because she of all persons was expected to understand since she was queer too. We share a mutual understanding and I am really proud of it.” – Tammy
“I came out to the first girl I had sex with. She was gay too and it just seemed safer that way.” – Rita
“The first person I came out to was my cousin. It went well, she took it well and gave me a hug afterwards… I felt completely safe in that moment. It felt good to know that someone has got my back.” – Divine
“Someone I suspected was queer, and we did bad stuff.”- Franklin
“My friends. They were really very supportive.” – Dave
“I came out to my friends and it was during an argument. They were saying some pretty homophobic things and while I was arguing with them, they asked me how I was sure about what I was saying and I told them I was queer. Their reactions weren’t bad but they are still homophobic. I cut them off and now I only have queer friends.” – Andrea
“A friend.” – Pamela
“I have mistaken quite a few people to be queer since I am just discovering myself. I haven’t really had issues with dating since I’ve been with just one person so far but I am hoping dating won’t be a heavy issue if I ever get to meet more persons.” Tammy
“I joined a community of queer people through group chats, it is not really hard to find people to date that way since we are able to meet more queer friends through mutual friends. I feel this has been such a fun journey because I’ve met very interesting and some very “meh” personalities and I am here for it all. I have a strong gaydar, It might be really hard to mistake a straight person for being gay.” – Rita
“Dating has not been easy. The LGBTQ community in Nigeria is a very small one where everyone knows everyone. You just have to lead your heart in one of the directions because you aren’t open to much options.”- Divine
“Have I ever mistaken someone to be queer? No I haven’t. I ensure I ask questions in a polite manner, never concluding for myself.” – Franklin
“No I haven’t.” – Dave
“Yup many times even till now. I mistake people for being queer. Fortunately for me, they tell me they aren’t and I don’t bother going after them again.” – Andrea
“If you have a community, it’s pretty easy to find people to date. I’m on my fourth partner since I discovered I was queer. I have a sort of hard time finding people to date but that’s a me problem because my list of what the person should be is really long and I don’t like talking to people. I have mistaken people to be queer before but most times I’m right when I say someone is Queer.” – Pamela
“It’s no news that you have always gotta be in hiding when you are gay in Nigeria. There are times the society makes you question your original self and ask yourself if you are doing something wrong just to play it safe. Well, I think the first step to discovering your true self is by not focusing on society’s demands of what should be and what shouldn’t be. It’s very refreshing to see more Nigerians on the same journey as you, regardless.”- Tammy.
“I can’t really hold my girlfriend when we go on walks without someone looking at you with a disapproving side glance. While it does seem like you have your community’s love and protection, the rest of the Nigerians might be plotting how to change you or remove you from the society.” – Rita
“Very hostile. It is really scary to see your own family and friends speak in a very homophobic manner.” – Divine
“In Nigeria, everyday is a challenge.” – Franklin
“Omooooooooo! I can’t hold a guy in public. I want to just kiss a guy in public but they’ll say I have a devil in me. The religiosity of the whole country even makes it a lot worse. But I really hope we can learn to be accepting somewhere else the future and have laws that safeguard queer people but for now. It’s when I leave Nigeria I’ll be able to have a boyfriend.” – Dave
“Ugh! Living in Nigeria as a queer person is terrible. Everyday, people are affected by homophobic attacks. Your friends are getting disowned and ending up homeless, you can’t express love in public. It’s really difficult and dark. Some days when everyone seems like they’re trying to kill you. It’s awful and you would probably develop mental health issues because of it. But you find love where you can and hope that holds you afloat.” – Andrea
“It’s hard lol” – Pamela
This is not the end, the Part II will be up by next week. We hope you are comfortable with sharing your stories with us because this is a safe space. If you’d like to share yours, send us a message on Instagram @newsbreakgist and do not forget to like and share this article.
Discussion about this post